A different kind of bond
by Not Just a Nerd
Summary: Damon and Elena's struggle with the sire bond. Season 4, all through mid-season. One-shot. Damon x Elena.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries.**

* * *

"It's _not_ the sire bond", Elena repeats, for what she thinks is probably the thousandth time, give or take a few hundred. Her head is resting on the kitchen table, exasperation written on her pursed lips, but her eyes are lifted upwards, glaring at Caroline. Is this what they are going to do for all eternity? Between not having a normal life and her brother wanting to kill her, this is another reason why she hates being a vampire.

"Elena", Caroline sighs, shaking her head. "I know what you're going through. You have no control. Tyler bit me, he would never bite me-"

"-He would never bite me no matter what", Elena mimics, cutting her off. This is not the first time Caroline has said those words.

"You had made up your mind, it was Stefan." Caroline points out again.

"That was before I… _died, _before I remembered everything Damon made me forget." Elena counters. Her eyes get hazy for a few seconds, as her mind quickly drifts through those moments- meeting him for the first time, the night her parents died, the night he told her she wanted a passion that consumes her- a passion she feels for him. She remembers how he told her he loved her, and how she felt her heart shuffle in her chest. "Now that I remember… things have changed."

"Things have changed because of your sire bond." Caroline argues again.

Elena groans. By this point, she knows there's no point in answering. She looks at Bonnie once, pleading with her eyes to _just make Caroline stop. _Bonnie shakes her head apologetically, she isn't a big fan of Damon either- and she definitely doesn't like to see her best friend acting like a mind-controlled slave to Damon.

And so Caroline goes on, for another thirty minutes, making her case. "If you're so sure it's not the sire bond, why don't you tell Damon to break it? Why don't you find out how you _really_ feel when he sets you free?" she challenges.

Despite her vampire super hearing, Elena isn't even listening anymore.

* * *

It's a different kind of bond. It's one of those relationships that you can't explain- the ones that don't have names, and don't need one. Damon is either the best thing that ever happened to her, or the worst nightmare, but either way, Damon kind of snuck up on her. He's like a cold chill on her skin, and at the same time, he's a warm rush in her blood. He's dangerous, ruthless, borderline sociopath- or maybe sociopath number one, but Damon is the only one who's always been there for her- always been the bad guy, always done everything to keep her alive and safe.

Elena sits near her window, watching the sky, the trees, trying to feel something, trying to feel normal, trying to feel human, and failing. Her mind keeps burrowing into these thoughts again and again.

When she first met Stefan, he was nice, gentle, kind, he made her feel safe, while Damon was a cold-blooded murderer. And now that she's seen the Ripper side of Stefan, she doesn't really have an argument in his favor. Because good guy versus bad guy doesn't hold anymore.

And honestly, when it comes to feelings, does it ever hold?

And honestly, a sire bond can only control actions, not feelings. So when she closes her eyes and sees his face, feels the urge to run her hand through his hair, stare into his shining eyes forever and feel that warm tugging in her heart, when she goes about her day and every time she blinks random moments from random days flashes in front of her eyes and sometimes she just sees him randomly standing, when she hopes that every call and every text and every knock on the door is him, and feels something in her throat sink down to her stomach whenever it's somebody else, it's all her, not the bond.

* * *

"Oh, hi, Damon, looking for your little blow up doll?" Caroline snarls, as soon as Damon enters the kitchen of the Gilbert household.

In a second, she is up against the wall, with Damon's hands on her throat. He leans in close to her, with his eyes cold and hard as stone. "Do _not _talk about Elena that way."

"Damon!" Elena barely whispers, standing behind them. She got downstairs as soon as she heard her main door, her heart doing a little dance at the scent of Damon's blood, but this wasn't what she was looking forward to.

Damon releases Caroline, taking a step away, and Caroline breathes, gasps, shoots a "Damon is evil, I told you so" look at Elena.

Elena blinks. And then she sighs. "Caroline, please."

Caroline looks at her in disbelief. There she was, almost getting her heart ripped off her chest by Damon, all because she's trying to look out for Elena, and here she is, accusing her of doing something wrong- and all because of that stupid sire bond.

It only takes two seconds for her to turn all her rage against Damon. "You're no better than Klaus."

Damon shrugs. "Well, I'm not a werewolf, and I'm not blond. And I brush my teeth daily."

Caroline scoffs. "You say you love Elena, and then you keep her around like your _blow up doll." _She says it again, and with more spite this time. "If you really love someone, you set them free, if they love you, they'll come back to you."

Damon keeps his calm this time, and only rolls his eyes. "If you're thinking about majoring in literature and being annoying, I say go for it. And look for a University far, _far _away from here."

"You know I'm right, Damon", is all Caroline says before she storms out of the house.

And damn him, he knows she is. But damn him if he cared about right and wrong.

* * *

That night, Elena hugs Damon tight. A part of her is terrified of something horrible that's about to happen to them- it's an intuition she can't explain, it's like she can feel a storm coming even when there's no dark clouds in the sky. There's a nagging feeling in her chest, like she'd blink and Damon would be gone, and every time she breathes, the feeling gets stronger, and she hugs Damon tighter.

Damon wants nothing more than to hold her tight and kiss her pain away. But he doesn't.

* * *

And one day finally he sets her free, just like he should, just like everybody wanted.

He walks away, while she stands there and cries. A part of her has suddenly been ripped off her, all her hopes crushed to the ground, all the moments coming back to her all at once as she closes her eyes and opens them again like she's trying to wake up from a bad, bad dream, but it doesn't stop, and this is reality, and Damon just broke up with her, he left her, and she, and she… she feels like she just… _died. _

She's hurt, she's broken, she's angry, she's upset, she's full of questions and accusations and blame and regrets and lyrics from Adele and Taylor Swift songs jumping to her subconscious mind and wanting to do it all over again and alternating between wanting to kiss him and slap him tight across his face. But the prominent emotion in her heart is betrayal- he's letting her go for the second time now, and she hates it.

Because what they have, it's so special that an eternity is not enough to cherish it. It's a different kind of bond. Doesn't he get it?

"I'm not what you chose."

"You're what I need."

(And you're what I want.)

* * *

**A/N: Doesn't perfectly follow the episodes, but I hope you liked it. Reviews would be nice :) Have a splendid year you all! **


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